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The Cape: Scales

Okay, I was lying when I said that the last episode was the best one. This one is. I love everything about this episode. The guest bad guy is awesome, the regular one keeps getting awesomer, and the ever-wonderful Carnival of Crime get to have plenty of fun. And it all takes place at a masquerade ball, which makes the whole thing look absolutely splendid as well.

Firstly, welcome back to Vinnie Jones, and his henchman Noodle. They're cross because they have to pay half of their ill-gotten gains to Chess as protection money, and half of what's left to Peter Fleming as some sort of crime tax. Listening in, thanks to Orwell's clever methods of snooping, Vince decides it's time to pay Vinnie a visit.

So he goes to ask the carnivalleers for some back-up. They've taken to acting brilliantly suspicious whenever he walks in on them, like they've suddenly decided to hide the fact that they're criminals. Anyway, they say no. They have other plans, which in no way involve grand larceny at all. Not even slightly.

So off goes The Cape all on his lonesome, and tells Vinnie that he's being screwed over by Chess/Fleming.

Vinnie is not happy.

But look, check out Batman! Apparently we can fly now. Well - billow, anyway.

The Cape tells Vinnie all about an important engagement that Fleming is planning tomorrow, on a train. All the local great and good will be there. Vince is hoping that Vinnie will reveal to all and sundry that Fleming is Chess. Vinnie is mostly just planning to growl at lots of people.


It sucks running a city. It leads to ridiculous public appearances. On the plus side, two minutes later Vinnie turns up, and the show's British contingent proceeds to swap insults, with the ham turned up to eleven.

Whilst Vince angsts over it being Trip's birthday today.

Trip. Also angsting over it being his birthday today.

Look, they're waving at you. Wave back.

Orwell is also on the train, in a cunning disguise of a bit of cardboard and a feather. Presently she comes face to face with Fleming, and the tiny bit of cardboard proves to be completely flummoxing for poor Peter.

I'm pretty sure that if I saw my daughter wearing the world's tiniest mask, I'd recognise her. That thing's hardly face-concealing. Still, I suppose if it works for Zorro.

Also on the train is Toby, in fancy dress as the Cape. I definitely approve of Superhero Toby. It's a great idea.

Vinnie attempts to tell everybody that Fleming is Chess. Everybody laughs. Stung by this, and by their failure to take him seriously as a businessman due to his scales, he decides to hold up the train instead.

Stand and deliver, your money or your life! Fittingly enough, he is rather dandy.

(A diddly wop wop).

The Cape and The Cape look on, planning their next move.

The Cape tells The Cape to stay out of the way, but The Cape refuses. If he's not allowed to help fight the bad guys, Toby threatens to go rogue. The concept of a rogue Toby is a glorious one, but Vince doesn't seem to think so. He caves in, and let's Toby be a distraction.

Toby bursts in on the hold up, and attempts to hold it up.

Vinnie is not greatly impressed by the frankly brilliant concept of Superhero Toby With A Gun. The distraction works though and, disarming him and confiscating his boodle, Vince lures him up on top of the train.

Where a wonderfully fake backdrop of CGI stars awaits them.

They do battle.

And then Vinnie eats Vince. The end.

Actually he just throws him off the train. Then, clearly feeling all Super Crime King-pin, he goes downstairs and pulls out a coupling pin, leaving the rest of the train rattling off down the tracks out of control, whilst he and his faithful Noodle get to keep the car containing a safe full of Fleming's money.

Having managed to haul himself back where he started from, The Cape joins forces with himself once again. The train is out of control. Unfortunately they're going to need help from the bad guys to stop it.

Whilst back on the other bit of it, Vinnie and Noodle go to gloat over their loot, only to find that the Carnival of Crime has beaten them to it.

And Ringmaster Max is not about to share.

Best dressed gang of robbers in the business.

Leaving the bad guys (technically the other bad guys, I suppose) locked up in the mail cage, the Carnival of Crime run giggling into the night.

Back down the track, The Cape has joined forces with the now sadly hatless Fleming. Together they will sever a hose that will allow the brakes to work again. All this requires is for them not to kill each other for thirty seconds.

Fleming's great here. He's dangling under a fast-moving train, with only his sworn enemy to keep him from falling, and he thinks it's great fun.

The Cape is rather less amused. But they've stopped the train, so hurrah.

Meanwhile, having headbutted his way out of the cage, Vinnie eats the cameraman.

And Vince returns to the carnival, to grumble about them being criminals - and also to complain about them being sod all use while he was being tossed off the train earlier. Ringmaster Max counts his loot, and points out that they are called the Carnival of Crime, so exactly what was he expecting? Vince doesn't really have an answer for that, so instead he goes off to join Orwell, and angst some more about Trip's birthday.

And Orwell angsts about why parents love their children; or, more to the point, why sometimes they don't.

Do you still long for parental approval when your father is a homicidal maniac? Apparently so. I would have thought that running the hell away would be a better approach than sighing prettily about Daddy Dearest, but maybe that's just me. Anyway, that's it for this week. This show really is getting better with every episode (at least so far). NBC, I hate you. Couldn't you at least have given it one complete series before swinging the axe?


( 2 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
Mar. 11th, 2013 11:23 am (UTC)
I was watching 'Horror Express'(it's on internet archive) at the weekend (memories cause the brain to be wrinkled, apparently) and I'm imagining a video mash up between the two. Vinnie Jones would be loads better than Terry Savalas and the carny crims could be the cossacks(!).
Mar. 11th, 2013 04:15 pm (UTC)
But then they'd have to have their brains eaten by an undead caveman! I don't think they'd enjoy that...
( 2 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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