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Lost Resort

I've been catching up on Last Resort. I think I'm up to date now (latest episode not counted), which is seven episodes all told. Eight? It might be six. Anyway. It bothers me that I don't really have an opinion of it yet. I like it enough to carry on watching for at least a little bit longer, but that's seven episodes (or eight, or six), and I don't feel particularly engaged as yet. I don't even know who anybody is yet. Shouldn't I know some names by now? There's Permanently Angry Captain, who's entertaining enough, but rather inclined to glower. Then there's Permanently Frustrated XO, who isn't very entertaining, mostly because he's rather dull. He also inevitably suffers from the same problem as every other XO on television. He's not Chip Morton. I should try to be more understanding of that, but I never am.

In addition to those two, who I guess are the main characters, there's Slightly Whiny Lieutenant; Terminator 2; Highly Promising Rogue SEAL Who We Only Get To See For Thirty Seconds Each Week, Which Is Becoming Rather Irritating (I have to find him a more convenient name); Woman Who Reminds Me Of The One In Lost Who Turned Out To Be A Traitor (this may have been the reason why her suddenly turning out to be a traitor was less surprising than the producers probably hoped); French Radio Woman; Slightly Wooden English Radio Man; Haughty Crime King-Pin With Shirt Issues; Second Rogue SEAL Who Appears At Random When Required (goodness knows where he hides out the rest of the time. It's only a small island); Bartender Woman With Oddly Coloured Hair; Twitchy Naval Rating Boy; Permanently Frustrated XO's Permanently Angry Wife Back Home; and Permanently Hurrying About In The Dark Weapons Expert With Annoying Voice. That's a lot of people. It's a bit like when Lost started, as that also had lots of people, and it took forever to sort them out. Both shows involve large casts running about in picturesque jungles, with shadowy and largely unseen forces trying to kill them. So far though, Last Resort is failing to give me Richard Alpert being immortal. This is a big failing. Instead it's trying to fob me off with worthy speeches about loyalty, and that's definitely not as good. Mind you, admittedly the worthy speeches are unlikely to get severely damp-squibbed in season six, and given a silly backstory. Technically that surely means that all television everywhere is pretty much guaranteed to be better than Lost? In theory. Sorry, that seemed a lot more encouraging when I started to think it.

So anyway, yes. Submarines and jungles. Marked lack of smoke monsters, and omnipotent, sparkly fairies, but at the same time it has "Inspired By Lost" so clearly stamped across it that I'm expecting to see a polar bear or Jim from Neighbours any week now. Which I don't mind exactly, but it does baffle me a little that television should try so hard to be like something that rambled on for six years, and then eroded itself away into nonsense. Shouldn't it be trying harder to be better than that? I understand that I have to stop hoping for television to be like The A-Team, as people want to watch serious programmes nowadays instead. Apparently. I do think it's only sensible to want to be more like The A-Team than Lost, though. At no point did it turn out that Hannibal Smith was a sparkly fairy who got his powers from a magic, subterranean grotto, after feeding Colonel Decker to a ghost. Although admittedly that would have been better than what happened in season five. At the very least, if they're going to be speeding about the oceans in that submarine, they could take a leaf out of Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea's book, and get swallowed by a giant whale. It would surely make for better entertainment than arguing with politicans. Admittedly it would also rather emphasise the lack of Chip Morton on the bridge, but on the other hand, giant whale. (I would happily settle for a giant squid, I don't want to be difficult).

And for heaven's sakes give those rogue SEALs something to do. Aside from the fact that rogue seals is a great phrase, they're a lot more interesting than Emo Frustrated XO Guy and his whiny lieutenant. Well, obviously. They're rogue seals. And rogue seals with deep, dark pasts at that, and I've strayed rather from the point. I seem to have a problem engaging with quite a lot of modern television was probably my point, if I ever had one, which I'm beginning to doubt that I did. I am reading quite a good book though. It doesn't have any submarines or giant whales in it, but it was written by a princess. I suspect that that's irrelevant to pretty much everything, but I've chosen not to care.

Oh, and in even more irrelevantness, BT decided that they weren't going to come this week after all, but said that they will instead come on December 6th. I'm trying to be understanding, because apparently it's to do with the awful weather. This does at least make more sense than their previous excuse, which was that they couldn't come and connect my phone because of the Olympics. Again, I do like to try to be understanding, but I fail to see why some races in London in August prevented my telephone from being connected in Gloucestershire in September. Anyway. Hopefully I'll have a telephone on December 6th. This will be three days away from a full three months after they were originally supposed to come. A rogue submarine hiding on a secret island in the Pacific is able to get telephone calls from Washington whenever they feel like it. British Telecom, please take note. And don't try the fictitious argument. I'm beginning to think that telephone engineers are fictitious as well, so it won't hold water.

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