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Truly Bloody

True Blood has announced its return date, although I think they actually did that several weeks ago, and I've only just noticed. Also there's a trailer! Well, more of a glimpse, but they call it a trailer. It'll be nice to have True Blood back. I've given up on The Mentalist now, Hawaii 5-0 decided that we weren't going to be friends anymore, and Ringer has gone away. Probably forever, as I was the only person who watched it. So True Blood could be the only television that I watch until Steven Moffat decides to give me Doctor Who back. There are Worries, however. Seasons one, two and three of True Blood were awesome in every way, except for how there was altogether too much Sookie. Season four was rubbish, though. And this will be season five, and I am suspicious of season fives by their very nature. Should that be seasons five? No, I don't think so. Consider the evidence, anyway:

  • The A-Team. Best TV series ever. Season five? Terrible.

  • Remington Steele. Also excellent. Season five? Ugh.

  • Angel. Spectacular. Season five? Keep it away.

  • The West Wing. A glory. Season five? Well, okay. So it wasn't that bad. Wasn't a patch on any of the other seasons, though.

  • Babylon 5. See The West Wing.

  • Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Okay, season five was good. It was six and seven that were awful. Season five introduced us to Dawn though, whom I hate with a fiery burning passion, so I'm still not letting it off the hook.

  • Nip/Tuck. That had a good season five, actually. With Bradley Cooper, and Ivanova in an ice bath, and the woman who got attacked by a sex-mad eagle. And there were aliens, and Sharon Gless and her psychotic teddy bear fetish.

  • The Tribe. That had an abysmal season five (apparently). Nobody actually knows for sure, as we all stopped watching during the previous season, as that was so appallingly bad.

  • Highlander. Season five of Highlander had Kronos. Okay, so it also had Kronos in the world's worst false beard, but all the same. Kronos is a pretty good argument in favour of season fives.

  • I Love Lucy. That was okay in season five, I guess. It had John Wayne anyway. It also had that episode when they pretended they were in Scotland, but weren't remotely convincing about it. So the good and the bad may cancel each other out quite a bit, now that I think about it.

  • Top Gear. Oh, Top Gear! Season five had Hammond and May playing conkers with caravans, which is just about the best thing that anybody has ever done on television.

  • Bonanza. Season five... well, it wasn't the best, but it had some very good episodes. And it had ghosts and leprechauns, which shouldn't have worked but did.

  • The Dukes Of Hazzard. Vance and Coy. 'Nuff said.

  • Quantum Leap. I'm undecided about that. On the one hand there were some good episodes. On the other hand there were far too many Leaps into famous people, and also they ruined the theme music.

  • Simon & Simon had a mostly okay season five, except that AJ would insist on cutting his hair, and hasn't looked at all right ever since. Season five was twenty-seven years ago. You'd think by now he'd have figured out that such short hair doesn't suit him.

  • Mad About You had a pretty good season five. With Mel Brooks and helpless giggling. Also the judge from My Two Dads.

  • Okay, maybe season fives aren't always bad. I remain suspicious though. I want more weirdness, more Pam, and far less Eric romancing Sookie, please and thank you.

    In the meantime, pictures:

    Some people digging at night. Looks like it might be Sookie and Lafayette.

    Sookie covered in blood, apparently whilst digging. Could they be burying Tara? But if so, why in secret? Unless she's been vamped. That would be awesome. That would be Tara at the most pissed off we've seen her yet. Tara would hate being turned into a vampire.

    I vote that this should happen.

    Unidentified people walking somewhere dark.

    Bill, being dramatic with something flamey.

    Her whose name I can never remember, being startled by something in bed.

    Demon Terry, possibly. Or possessed Terry, or something. It's clearly startling, anyway.

    Baby vampire with an unidentified bloke. Well done them for managing to do something where there's a bit of light.

    Some people kissing, again with the something flamey. Might be Jason and baby vampire. Whose name is also escaping me. Well, it's been nearly an entire year. Anyway, they're kissing near dramatic flames, whoever they are.

    Put a shirt on, Jason.

    Scary church bloke from seasons two and three. He's been turned now. I think we saw that at the end of season four, but that's all a bit of a blur, from time and it having been mostly boring.

    You can just see the Jason/scary church bloke slash already, can't you. Fandom, you really are very dull at times. Usually when slash is involved.

    Sam being dramatic in the woods. With clothes on, though, which makes a pleasant change.

    Pam, apparently crying. I guess she hasn't patched things up with Eric yet, then. Eric, stop being a jerk. Pam's way cooler than Sookie. Quit your moping and make up.

    And put your bloody shirt on while you're at it. If there's one thing worse than a moping Eric, it's a shirtless moping Eric.

    Is that Bill in the background? Shirtless Eric + Bill. Maybe the writers have finally given in to Stephen Moyer, and turned the love triangle around the way that he's been wanting?

    No, probably not.

    Possibly dead bald bloke, apparently being fed to a vampire in a cellar. We're keeping vampires in cellars now?

    This leads to blood. Possibly not a vampire in the cellar, then. They're not usually such messy eaters.

    Don't eat him, scary church bloke. He'd be way too stringy.

    Jessica. I've remembered her name.

    Oh do put your shirt on, Sam.

    Vampires being dramatic, in fun, blood-drenched surroundings. I don't know who the dark-haired one on the end is. She's not Pam, though. Why are we hanging out with strange female vampires who aren't Pam? She doesn't have enough to do as it is.

    Alcide and Lafayette arguing about something in Sookie's kitchen. This will also almost inevitably lead to slash.

    I think I'm irrevocably bored with fandom.

    Something attacking Terry, which I disapprove of heartily. And doing it not properly in focus as well, which is just rude.

    Sookie screaming, also out of focus for some reason.

    Although I'm not sure that's really grounds for disembowellment, Lafeyette. Mind you, if it stops Eric from mooning over her, then I'm all for it.

    Bill appears to have got himself kidnapped again. He's good at that. For a supposedly powerful undead being, he seems to spend an awful lot of his time at knife point/captured/otherwise at somebody else's mercy.

    I approve, obviously, as too powerful = boring, but I do find it rather amusing. Bill's so endearingly rubbish at actually being a vampire.

    Now we get to the good bit. A car!

    A car that very thoughtfully has chosen to explode for my entertainment. Looks like there's a bomb hidden in the trunk.

    It catches quite beautifully.

    And goes BOOM! very much.

    Then it does it some more, from a different angle. Well done that car. Very good, carry on.

    There's also an odd voiceover, where a mysterious man claims that vampires are the ones really created in God's image, not humans. Except he pronounces it "humahns". This season's Big Bad is a Ferengi?

    Anyway, that's it. June 10th then. Hopefully it will in no way resemble season four. Although the car exploding is already a very good start, I must say. So is the promise of returning King Russell. Could that be him with the knife and the kneeling Bill? Did Russell have a big shiny ring? I have no idea. Season three was too long ago for memory. It certainly can't be Lorena, more's the pity.


    ( 4 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
    Apr. 24th, 2012 12:54 pm (UTC)
    Perhaps it's only when season fives are at the end of the run? Good job Blake's 7 only did 4 then.

    I don't need to remind you about the extenuating circumstances with B5's season 5. It would have been so much better if the studio hadn't screwed around so much.
    Apr. 24th, 2012 02:22 pm (UTC)
    Yes, it's frustrating. So are certain other points, such as the fact that we probably wouldn't have lost Marcus, had JMS known that Ivanova was leaving! I must be fair though, and admit that season five has some very fine episodes. Once the Byron storyline is finished with, it gets back on form. It just lacks the cohesion of the earlier seasons, I think.

    And we were lucky, I guess, given the interference that there was in Crusade later.
    Apr. 24th, 2012 01:46 pm (UTC)
    The answer to anything about True Blood is -- needs more Pam. Alcide spent the hiatus doing a movie about male strippers, so he's probably going to be shirtless a LOT.
    Apr. 24th, 2012 02:43 pm (UTC)
    Yes, I've heard about that, as he's been making it with Matt Bomer of "White Collar". Hopefully it will do reasonably well, as Matt Bomer has just come out, and the doom-mongers are sounding death knells for his career.

    I say come out, but he's never exactly been in. I think there's some critical mass of fame thing that leads to people suddenly starting to care.
    ( 4 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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