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Of tailoring and dentistry

A man goes into a tailor's shop, where he asks to buy half a dozen moss green bow ties with a unicorn's head motif. Quite apart from marking him out as a man of extraordinarily little taste, this indicates to the tailor that he is not in fact an ordinary customer, but is instead a secret agent on a special mission to access a top secret facility hidden beneath the dressing room. Well, what else are tailors' shops for? Pressing a secret button hidden on the mirror frame, he descends into an underground corridor, where a series of security tests await him. First, a pattern of lights on a board, where he has to press a series of buttons in sequence; then a piano keyboard, where he has to play a short riff; and finally, eight safe combinations that have to be dialled in the proper order. This all gains him entrance to a vault, where he proceeds to steal a file and try to leave with it. Steel doors trap him in an instant, and gas soon knocks him out. But golly, why should such a respected secret agenty type suddenly try to steal a confidential file? Somebody should probably try to find out.

Very little happens in this episode. The Champions are called in, asked to test the security of the vault in case of future instances of random treachery, and then spend half of the show talking about it. Sharron also chats to the bloke who tried to steal the file, and finds that he has no idea why he made the attempt. Although his employers don't believe him, she, with her amazing Championsy powers, is convinced that he's telling the truth, and decides that he must have been hypnotised in some way. Meanwhile, Richard breaks into the vault, and elopes with a copy of the confidential file stowed away in his brain - which is cheating really. On the one hand, it does prove that 'stealing' it is possible, but on the other, how many ordinary people can memorise a big file before the ten minute viewing time limit is up? On the off chance that he might be useful, he's promptly kidnapped by the people who tried to hypnotise the first fellow into stealing it, and they try to hypnotise Richard in turn. Richard, however, is unhypnotisable, and proceeds to disassemble the immediate area and everybody in it. And that's pretty much it. It seems like most of the episode is just people pressing buttons in that infernal security vault. I'm sure that must just be my imagination, but at any rate, it's certainly not the most dynamic of episodes. Perfectly good fun, though - especially the big fight at the end.

A man presses some buttons to gain access to part of a secret vault.

A man presses some keys to gain access to another part of a secret vault.

A man twiddles some knobs to gain access to another another part of a secret vault. It's thrilling stuff, this. ;)

Meanwhile, in this week's tag scene that shows us the Champions in their off-duty hours, Craig has decided to attend a dude ranch. Why, goodness knows, although previous episodes have indicated that he likes to play dress up.

He amuses himself by out-shooting the resident sharpshooter to win a bet. As ever, the voiceover man informs us that this is to help "truth, order and justice", but mostly I think it's just to have fun.

The gang report in for a briefing. Does Tremayne actually have any other agents? We never see anybody else in that office except crotchety government types on official visits.

Tremayne really doesn't like Sharron's coat, does he. Sensible fellow.

The gang ponder their assignment. Sharron suddenly appears to be wearing a squirrel around her neck, which is an odd fashion choice, but there you go.

With Sharron and her squirrel having departed on a visit to the would-be file thief, Richard and Craig do a bit more pondering.

Sharron and her squirrel chat to a confused government type in a rather nice dungeon.

Faced with the prospect of having to break into a near-impregnable vault, the boys decide to even the odds a little by first breaking into the offices of the people who run it, and looking for some instructions.

They look in the safe first, only to find that everything the aspiring vault-cracker could possibly want to know is lying around in the desk, waiting to be stolen. Which is handy.

Sharron distracts the tailors at the shop by posing as a difficult shopper, whilst Richard tackles the vault.

I'll spare you the buttons and keyboard again, but here he peruses the safe dials.

Meanwhile, Sharron looks at ties.


Some not-policemen close in on Richard.

And whisk him away to a place where a disembodied voice promises to do dreadful things to him to make him talk.

Elsewhere, Craig and Sharron look serious.

Richard just looks bored. He'd far rather leave the kidnapping business to Craig. Being tortured is such a wretched inconvenience.

The disembodied voice, which comes out of a camera on the wall, merely continues promising dreadful things.

Which could indeed be rather dreadful, since Richard then finds himself in a dentist's chair.

It turns out that the promised deathly, deadly torture is really just some bad sound FX played on a tape recorder, though, and a few flashing lights. Dapper dentist fails at torture.

At which point Craig shows up, and breaks a door with a secretary.

Whilst Richard destroys the dentist's office, and everybody in it. Hurrah!

The end.

The next episode is the considerably more eventful "The Final Countdown". The singing of a certain eighties soft rock classic is hereby prohibited for the duration.


( 2 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
Mar. 8th, 2010 07:02 pm (UTC)
My main thought for this episode is during the wee 'Championsy' bit with Craig at the Dude Ranch (which goes to show how interesting the episode is) - The close up of 'Craig's' hand, going for his gun...that IS NOT Stuart Damon's hand. No way. I mean, you can see his hands in other things, and that is clearly an old man's hand. Why?????

That's all XD

(Oh, except, why do you even need a changing room to try on a bow tie??)
Mar. 8th, 2010 07:20 pm (UTC)
It should have been moss green, unicorny underpants really. Then they'd have had a sensible reason for the changing rooms.

As for the hands, I guess they had to do the close ups later. They often use doubles in various scenes, and they hope you won't notice if it's just a hand. You're clearly not supposed to be looking that closely. ;)
( 2 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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