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Nazis, Nazis everywhere

A minibus filled with rowdy, cheerful singers pulls up at an old house, where its occupants are revealed to be down-and-outs, shipped in to undergo blood tests in exchange for alcohol. One of them, in search of more than his allotted ration, slips through a door marked "Private", and is shot by an armed guard. The last thing he sees before he dies is two heavily-bandaged men standing over him. Something odd is clearly going on. There's a lot of it about lately.

And the very first odd thing is Sharron, on the same piece of road that she was on a few episodes back, and picking up the very same two hitchhikers. Clearly she - and they - have learnt nothing from the last time, because soon enough they're trying it on again, and she's beating them up and dumping them in a tunnel again. Sharron, stop picking up hitchhikers. It's clearly not good for any of you. Still, soon she and the pedestrians of rural England are saved by a call from Geneva. A famous Nazi war criminal has escaped, and appears to have gone to England. The theory is that he's following in the footsteps of a number of other high profile criminals who have vanished just lately, and it's up to Nemesis to find out how. Consequently Craig and Sharron set themselves up as hoods escaping from America, having supposedly stolen $2 million dollars of the Mob's money. This, they decide, should be bait enough for any underground escape committee. All that they have to do is wait around to be contacted.

A van full of very happy people, including a very happy George.

Poor George. :(

Poor George's last look at the world.

Get your feet off the table, Craig.

Nemesis plants the story of Craig and Sharron and their infamy, hopefully not getting any journalists tortured to death this time. Also, hopefully not getting Craig and Sharron arrested every time they leave the house. Or shot by the Mob.

Somebody clearly thinks it's still the Prohibition era. Are gangsters really still wearing those hats?!


Having settled themselves in their hotel, Craig tells Sharron to run a bath, presumably so they can talk without being overheard. For some reason, however, neither of them detects the presence of Richard until it's rather too late.


If she was supposed to run a bath, though, why'd she turn on the shower?

A somewhat soggy Richard is less than impressed with Craig's moustache. I'm rather inclined to agree with him.

Mind you, that's nothing to what he thinks of Sharron's get-up.

In no time at all, Craig and Sharron are invited to meet with a doctor named Peterson, who operates a highly sophisticated plastic surgery clinic. He's been helping criminals to escape by changing their faces to ensure that they avoid being recognised, and he offers the same service to the Champions. Craig recognises Peterson, though. He's Dreuchman, formerly on staff at Dachau, and wanted for years to stand trial. Although somewhat thrown at being recognised, he agrees to operate for half a million dollars, a sum that will enable him to close up his business, and escape into obscurity. Everybody's plans soon hit a snag, however, for ever since the plane crash, the Champions have had a unique blood group. Once 'Peterson' sees Craig's and Sharron's blood, he realises that he can't provide a supply to use during their surgeries, and consequently can't operate. They know too much about him, so he decides that he will have to kill them. Fortunately Richard has overheard, and sets about fixing himself up as a potential donor, whilst Craig manages to secure a temporary stay of execution. Joining up with a rather endearing drunk, Richard disguises himself as a hobo, and is soon stowed safely away in a cellar, awaiting drainage. Now there's nothing at all to stop ‘Peterson' and his creepy nurse from slicing Craig and Sharron's faces off. Er... yay.

Craig's photographic memory drags up information on Doctor Peterson's real identity.

Peterson is less than elated.

Sharron feels much the same way, clearly feeling that Craig should have kept his mouth shut.

He's Craig, Sharron. You should know by now that he doesn't do subtle.

Craig's quite pleased with himself, though. He likes goading Nazis. Well, a man's got to have a hobby.

It's a medical examination, honest.

Craig meets a fellow patient, in this case another escaping Nazi, and one who is rather displeased with his former associate's determination to escape into anonymity.

Craig and Sharron's unique blood group is discovered, causing concern for Peterson and his nurse.

A lurking Richard realises the danger, and hurries up the nearest tree. As one does.

He speaks to Sharron and Craig, warning them of the danger that they're in.

They plan to convince Peterson that their blood group isn't really so unique after all. You know, I'd rather expect a doctor to know a thing or two about that.

However as it turns out he's surprisingly willing to listen, and agrees to give them a forty-eight hour stay of execution to see if some of the right blood turns up. It's hard to see properly, but I'm sure that Craig is reading The Secret Agent during this scene, which is rather a nice throwaway joke.

A drunk bloke, with a fondness for a spectacularly potent, colourless brew that he distils himself.

Richard introduces himself, and gets an invitation to join the next blood-in-exchange-for-alcohol party.

His blood is very welcome to Peterson, who has his heart quite set on that five hundred thousand.

And is also very welcome to Craig and Sharron, who were just about to get shot.

As it turns out, however, things are still not running smoothly. One of Peterson's Nazi patients is causing trouble, angry that the plastic surgery business is about to be shut down, with so many of their former colleagues still needing its help. He threatens Peterson, but Peterson has planned well. Taking off the other man's bandages, he reveals his own face underneath. It's the final detail in his escape plan. Since he can't perform surgery on himself, he plans to hide himself in the next best way - by putting somebody else in his place. His old friend's agitations have pushed his plans forward, though, and having killed his look-alike, he's forced to go on the run. Sadly (for him) he's overlooked one small fact. This is a Monty Berman production, and he's attempting to escape in a white Jaguar Mk II. His bid for freedom is doomed before it's begun.

An angry Nazi makes one too many demands upon Doctor Peterson.

Who, just about to begin the surgery on Sharron, is not best pleased with the interruption. I'd imagine that Sharron will be quite pleased about it, though, when she wakes up.

Ah yes. Anxious to rescue Richard before his blood is all drained away, Craig goes looking for him, eventually finding that he's in the cellar. The rescue plan involves smashing the floor. Literally. He rather sweetly tells Richard to keep an eye on the cellar door, as though this is somehow going to prevent them from being discovered. Craig, you're tearing up floorboards, and beating the living hell out of the ceiling beneath, and you think that it's Richard who's going to be discovered?!

Having been reunited, they plan to find Sharron. Before they can reach her, however, there's a gunshot from the next room, and they burst through the door together.

In the next room, they find what they believe to be Doctor Peterson. How'd he switch clothes so fast?!

They also find Sharron, and are relieved to see that the operation has not yet begun.

Seconds later, they hear a car. Relax, boys. It's a white Jag.

Grabbing the minibus, they hurtle off in pursuit.

But, this being a Monty Berman production, the poor Jag's fate is already sealed. It can consider itself lucky, though. Generally speaking, white Jaguars face a far more unpleasant end than that when he's in charge. I'm half convinced that this one's demise is an in-joke.

The boys dash to check on the damage.

Back at base, they report in to Tremayne with a very handy book detailing Peterson's patients before and after surgery. All of the escaped criminals can now be tracked down.

In celebration, the gang offer Tremayne a gift - a bottle of moonshine brewed by Richard's new drunk friend.

Tremayne is rather intrigued. Careful there, Tremayne. Your beard glue is showing.

Poor Tremayne. I don't think he's a fan of moonshine. :)

Next time, "The Gun-Runners". Golly, I wonder what that one's about.

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