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Disc two, and the worst has happened. Joe has started to sing. Or, to be more accurate, Joe has started to lip synch to Shaun Cassidy's album, a collection of quite horrifically insipid covers of famous pop songs. Yes folks, now you too can listen to the likes of Da Do Ron Ron and Surfing USA being murdered by an alleged teen heartthrob. Fortunately, however, with the start of Joe's pop career, we're also introduced to a new tradition. Whenever he starts to sing, Frank buggers off and has an adventure instead. I like Frank. Frank has his head screwed on right. So whilst Joe warbles his way in a truly horrific fashion through songs that you might have liked once, but now really, really don't anymore, Frank goes chasing missing women, fighting giant Hawaiian thieves, and battling Dracula. Actually he doesn't do that last one until season two, but bear with me. He also, somewhat unexpectedly, wrestles Not!Roman from Days Of Our Lives. That's Roman mk II of course, the oddly three-feet-shorter-than-his-predecessor Josh Taylor, otherwise known as the least convincing recast since... well, since Roman's brother Bo also needed a head transplant. Fortunately Bo's proper head grew back eventually, but Roman's never did.

Sorry, I'm talking about Days Of Our Lives again. It's like this strange compulsion. Anyway, I have to confess to a moment of unexpected joy when Frank batters him thoroughly, which I think can probably be blamed entirely upon The Sex Scene That Absolutely Did Not Happen With Marlena In the Tower. And I'm going to stop talking about Days now, honest. Anyway, he deserves the battering for the clothes that he's wearing, and the quite appalling seventies haircut, at least as much as he deserves it for the sex scene that didn't happen, and that I'm not going to talk about anyway, as I'm not going to start talking about Days again.

Where were we? Oh yeah. Joe. With the singing comes a determined effort to present him as 1979's newest sexy sensation, so whereas back in episode one he was wrapped up in layers and layers of clothing, now suddenly he's wearing nothing but a very tight pair of white shorts, and a medallion. I have, for obvious reasons, failed to screencap this particular moment, so you'll just have to take my word for how terrifying it is - if not quite as terrifying as when he starts to sing again. It is rather amusing how, by halfway through the disc, he's taping his performance, though, as he knows full well by now that Frank will run off and have an adventure instead of staying to listen to the singing. Frank having a brain and all. And ears. And taste. And a giant Hawaiian thief to grapple with.

It's also on disc two that the show takes on a new habit of colour-coding the boys, just in case we should somehow find it difficult to tell them apart. Joe now wears red at every available opportunity, whilst Frank wears blue. Their crash helmets, their jackets, their wetsuits – always red for Joe and blue for Frank. This does, of course, make Joe stand out nicely, just in case anybody should happen to get any ideas with a sniper rifle.

Joe. Singing. Flee! Flee!

Fortunately Frank is way ahead of me. As Joe breaks into song, off goes Frank in search of something far more interesting to do. On this occasion, he's also managed to rescue Callie from a fate worse than death.

Josh Taylor, demonstrating some seriously inadvisable seventiesness, several years before arriving on the set of Days Of Our Lives. And even more years before he started calling himself Roman, given that he'd already been in the show for quite some while as somebody called Chris, not that the producers wanted to confuse anybody or anything.

It's okay, I'm not talking about Days Of Our Lives. Honest.

A man who apparently believes that he lives in the nineteen fifties, attempts to interview Frank during a surfing tournament. Note the artful sprinkling of water, and the slightly less artful sprinkling of extremely hyper onlookers.

Colour-coded Hardys. Joe is wearing a red plastic anorak again. More to the point, he's wearing a red plastic anorak in Hawaii. This automatically bars him from ever being best.

The boys' hotel room in Hawaii. Yes, people actually pay to stay in that room. With actual money. Welcome to the tail-end of the seventies, folks. The decade may be dying, but it's doing its damnedest to ensure that it won't be forgotten in a hurry.

Ye gods, he's at it again...

Happily Frank has a giant Hawaiian thief to be more exciting with in a nearby parking lot. Although not necessarily happily for him, obviously.

Further colour-coding. Shortly after this scene, Joe loses the red top. He's not wearing anything underneath it. Be glad that there is no photographic evidence of this.

Too much adventuring at such a young age is clearly bad for the nerves. I see no other way to explain what both boys are wearing here. Then, as though they just have to outdo even themselves...

Oh good grief.

"Frank, I'm a little worried about chasing after dangerous crooks dressed like this. How come my head appears to be glowing, whilst yours blends in nicely with the surroundings?"

"I don't know, Joe. It's almost as though the writers are actively trying to get you shot. Perhaps you might like to consider singing a little less?"

It rather looks as though the boys have only one bedroom, and indeed one double bed, between them. I'm guessing this is because it's cheaper to build just the one bedroom set, but you'd never get away with it nowadays. I don't think there was less sniggering in those days, but there was certainly far less opportunity for people to get together in groups for co-ordinated sniggering. Anyway, in this scene the boys are having a very sweet discussion about responsibility, and how Frank is desperate to make amends for some mistakes that they've made in a case. A clearly addled Joe worries that Frank is taking it all too much to heart because: "You're supposed to be the level-headed one, Frank."

You what?! Where have you been for the last half dozen episodes?!

Also on disc two, Frank's hair begins to get steadily bigger. At current rate of play, by season two I fully expect him to be out hairing Farrah Fawcett.

But he's clearly still best.


( 2 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
Dec. 26th, 2009 02:29 am (UTC)
LOL! It had to happen...though I do like Shaun's 'That's Rock and Roll,'it's just so catchy. But anyway, Frank totally looks like the better brother. Definitely the level headed one..that hotel room is the pits! Dreaded seventies designs..lest we forget, they are 18 year olds with limited cash flow, they can only get one room! lol. Great post!
Dec. 26th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC)
He sings "That's Rock 'n' Roll" in one of the episodes. Needless to say, I hated it! ;)

I think that's the one that they make their father get up and dance to...
( 2 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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