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Thunder In Paradise #16

Episode 1x20 is "Dead Reckoning", and it's really quite hard to know where to start with this one. I'd just let the screencaps speak for themselves, but then I might have to flag my LJ for possible adult content. So we'll soldier on as normal.

Many shows, at some point, do a 'budget saving' episode. Having blown their allotted funds on explosions, monsters, spaceships and the like, they're left trying to save money part way through the run. Usually this means the dreaded flashback episode, bane of my existence, but sometimes they go for something else instead. A small cast, limited sets, that sort of thing. This episode would appear to be Thunder's shot at saving money. And it's a doozy.

Dastardly Hammerhead is dastardly. He's plotting something involving a mission that he must fulfil. This involves dressing in an orange wetsuit with a purple belt. I'd be hard put to imagine the mission that would call for that sort of outfit, but never mind. He plans to blow something up, although he's giving no particular clues as to what. This is unusual, since generally he tends to fully recap the action in the form of a bonkers rant. Whilst he's busy being oddly coy in his monologue, presumably so he doesn't inadvertently let slip to himself what he's up to, Spence and Bru come zooming along in Thunder. The defence mechanisms pick up on a nearby danger, and attempt to neutralise it, but can't. There's a lot of sparking, the boat's systems fail, but the unidentified enemy takes a bashing too, and Bru's readouts report an injured man with no heartbeat. Spence immediately decides that he must dash to the rescue because "I can't leave a man to die, even if he is a bad guy." Sheer poetry. Alongside much talk of how there's six minutes left to save his life before the fact that he's got no heartbeat starts to become a mite dangerous, Spence leaves with an emergency heart-starting kit. I assume that this is something of Bru's design, because it doesn't look anything like a defibrillator. Sadly we never get to see it in use, because after finding Hammerhead in a really cool glass submersible, Spence apparently decides that his heart will restart spontaneously, if they just swim about for a bit. Meanwhile, Bru has gone topside to see if he can restart the engines, but Thunder has taken quite a battering. The malfunctioning computers set off their tamperproof security whatnots, causing the boat to speed for home, and leaving Bru bobbing about in a life raft. This baffles Spencer so much that, when he arrives a few moments later with Hammerhead, he not only loses the heart-starting kit, but also completely forgets that Hammerhead's heart needed restarting in the first place. He just drops him into the raft and leaves him there. Happily for Hammerhead, hearts can clearly restart of their own accord. This is precisely what his does. And this, roughly five minutes in, is where the episode changes gear.

This isn't an episode. Not really. What this is, is three men in wetsuits wrestling each other for forty minutes. There's also bondage and kissing. It's basically just one big, wet threesome. Spence wrestles Hammerhead. Hammerhead wrestles Bru. Spence and Bru wrestle Hammerhead. All three of them wrestle each other. And there are flashbacks after all, although not to earlier episodes. Instead, Spence and Bru begin to realise that their former SEAL buddy has been brainwashed, and Spence tries to trigger his real personality through memories. It seems that he was kidnapped by somebody back in Vietnam, and this was when he was brainwashed, although I'm really not sure who he could have been brainwashed by. His mission, it turns out, is to kill Spence and Bru. That seems awfully specific for the VCs. Surely they'd be happy with him killing 'lots of SEALs', or 'lots of American soldiers'? I'm not sure that it makes much sense to kidnap somebody just to get him to kill two particular SEALs. Possibly, however, I'm not meant to be thinking about this. Another thing I'm possibly not meant to be thinking about is that, if the sole thought in Hammerhead's brain is supposed to be to kill Spence and Bru, then it must be pretty rubbish brainwashing. Not only has he been failing to kill them for more than twenty years, but he clearly wasn't remotely interested in killing them during any of their previous encounters on the show. But nevermind. Spence's annoying Vietnam flashbacks get through to Hammerhead just in time for him to recall that the revolting purple belt he's wearing is loaded with explosives. Rather than just throw this away, Spence decides that he has to swim underwater with it, whereupon, predictably enough, it explodes. This causes Bru to go half nuts, and there's more wrestling, as Hammerhead tries to stop him from going after Spence. In case of... secondary explosions? Deadly dynamite goblins? I don't know. Anyway, Spence isn't dead. He pops back up. There is celebrating, there are nonsensical further flashbacks, and then they go home. I have to wonder if this episode was made after they knew that the show was to be axed. It does seem, after all, to be losing them their regular bad guy. Or maybe they were planning to pick another ex-wrestler for season two, and have him as a bad guy instead.

Screencaps, then. In which three wet and slippery men encased in skin tight rubber outfits wrestle each other. Lots. And in oh so many ways. You know, people pay for this stuff. Apparently.

Spence and Bru hang out together, little realising that they're about to spend the afternoon
acting out somebody's dodgy rubber fetish.

Thunder's systems go down, leaving the boys in darkness. And so it begins.

Unable to keep their hands off each other, Spence and Hammerhead get straight to business.

Bru joins in the fun, apparently goosing Hammerhead.
Hammerhead and Spence, meanwhile, appear to be busy necking.

Spence nibbles on Bru's ear as they co-operate to pin down Hammerhead...

... before embarking on some bondage fun.

Meanwhile, Jessica and Uncle Edward find the abandoned boat, and come to the rescue.
You may not want to do that, guys.

The boys take a breather, in the midst of a bondage fandango. And full marks for effort.
Spence and Hammerhead both have their wrists tied, and (though you can't quite see it here)
one of Bru's feet is tied up too.

Round two. Note how Spencer is helpfully holding Bru down for Hammerhead. This is real teamwork.

Jungle!Spence in annoying flashback sequence.

Jungle!Bru. Interestingly he appears to have drawn a cross on his chest in felt tip pen,
which is really quite sporting when you think about it.

Jungle!Hammerhead, who has chosen to wear a bobble hat. In the jungle?!

Three little SEALs, just prior to Hammerhead trying to kill Spence and Bru, and then running away giggling.

And we're back with the Bondage Threesome.

Spence gets possessive.

Okay. Now, given that a few episodes back we found out that Spence and Bru got together
after they became SEALs, why in the flashback are they friends at SEAL school?
I can only assume that it's not really a flashback, but Hammerhead's personal fantasy.

Which says quite a lot about this scene.

Hammerhead grapples once again with Bru. No thighs this time, happily.
Incidentally, the liferaft has shrunk. They're not suddenly giants, just in case you were wondering.

Okay, those under eighteen can stop averting their eyes now.

Next time, Hobie from Baywatch builds an all-powerful killing machine, and unwittingly unleashes it in Paradise. As you do.


( 4 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
Dec. 11th, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
this is so funny - can the show really be as hysterical as your picspam?
Dec. 11th, 2009 01:57 pm (UTC)
However it may appear, I'm not trying to be funny when I put this stuff together. It really is just a case of writing down what happens on the screen. So I guess the answer is yes.

It's an entertainingly daft little show. :)

ETA: I haz confused fingers. Sometimes they really can't spell.

Edited at 2009-12-11 04:58 pm (UTC)
Dec. 13th, 2009 12:08 am (UTC)
I think these are so funny, but there's so much silly material to work with you can't possibly write a serious review. lol. The wrestling/flashback episode that skewers continuity, haha. Now these Navy seal flashbacks...are they trying to say that's Vietnam?? They don't look a day younger! lol.
Dec. 13th, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
The war has aged them prematurely.

( 4 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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