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Thunder In Paradise #7

There is an island in Caribbean, populated by Scottish people. Evil Scottish people. Evil Scottish people who want to take over the world. They wear kilts, because they are Scottish. Some of them don't wear kilts, but those ones wear special tartan bonnets instead, just to help prove that they are indeed Scottish. They also have big tartan flags hanging about all over the place. Lest you not have noticed yet, they are Scottish. Sadly their accents aren't, but they are trying, so bear with them.

Yep, this is the episode "Distant Shout Of Thunder", in which a businessman – indeed, a Scottish businessman - loses everything in a stock market crash, and decides that the best thing to do to make up for it is to make everybody else lose everything too. To this end, he writes a computer virus, and plans to unleash it on the world at a particular time, on a particular day. It will wipe out world banking, savings, commerce, etc, at which point his army of Evil Scotsmen will take over. What they'll do then, I don't know. Possibly enforce compulsory haggis-eating, because they're about as stereotypical as you can get. They spend all day, every day, playing Highland Games, for goodness sakes. They're training to take over the world by spending all their time, on their Caribbean island, tossing cabres, and throwing hammers. And, presumably, wondering why their boss didn't just release his virus immediately, if he was so hot on taking over the world. Why set a specific date, and then sit back and wait for somebody to stop him?

Anyway, Thunder is out on one of its usual missions for the Navy, when it gets zapped by the computer virus. How, I'm not sure. Possibly a bit of it leaked? Thunder goes proper mental, hurtling about the place at hyperspeed, and leaping over a bridge. Eventually they get it under control, and Spencer goes off to the secret Caribbean island (clearly it's not too secret), to begin work on tackling the Evil Scottish Empire, whilst Bru stays home and tries to fix the boat. I love Bru's approach to tackling a computer virus. Basically he takes the computer apart, and goes at it with a laser knife. We've all wanted to do that to some of the technology in our lives at some point, but I love that he actually does it. The world needs more computer geeks like him. By a startling coincidence, however, little Jessica has picked this week to become interested in fortune telling, and not just any old fortune telling either, oh no. She's using rune stones, which Bru looks at, recognising certain symbols from the computer virus. Evil Scottish Madman has written an Evil Scottish Virus! Jings! The only problem is that he hasn't. He's actually written an Evil Scandinavian Virus, because they're Viking runes, which bear no resemblance to the Gaelic alphabet no matter how loudly Bru says that they do. Surely Evil Scottish Madman would know this? Or possibly he was trying to be cunning. Still, never mind. Being a genius, Bru immediately knows what all of the symbols are called, even though he didn't recognise them five minutes ago, before he saw Jessica's rune stones, and he fixes the virus by typing lots. Happily the laser knife didn't cut out anything important, then. And then whoosh! Off he goes to join Spencer, who is by now clad in a kilt, and tossing a cabre with the Evil Scottish Army. Bru finds a fibre-optic cable on the seabed, which he cuts, thus neatly preventing the Evil Scottish Madman from unleashing his Evil Scottish Virus on the world, so Spence needn't have bothered turning up, really. Somehow, Bru cutting the cable also makes the Evil Scottish Computers explode, which is handy. Spence makes extra sure that nothing bad can happen by shooting the Evil Scottish Lair up a bit, but since the cable has been cut, and the computers have been fried, he needn't have bothered. Still, a bit of gratuitous exploding is always good.

Then Spence and Bru go home. I think the moral of this story is to be wary of men in tartan bonnets, especially if they have truly appalling fake Scottish accents. Either that or it's to always be sure to take up fortune telling, as you never know when somebody might need your rune stones to save the world from an evil Scotsman.

Evil Scottish Army.

Evil Scottish Madman.

Jessica, here practicing her amazingly well timed fondness for fortune telling.

Gratuitous shooty bit.


Bru finds growling the best approach to computer trouble. I sympathise.

Also, at this point he appears to be taking the computer apart and brandishing a screwdriver at it.
Again, I sympathise.

The boys display deep concern when tasked with stopping an Evil Scotsman whilst their super boat is in pieces.
All right, no they don't.

Spencer, on the Evil Scottish Island. Note the tartan flag in the background.


Wrestling with a cabre, and a cameraman.

Wrestling with a cabre, and some Evil Scottish Soldiers.

Arty bit where Evil Scottish Madman toys with his Evil (Not) Scottish Virus.

Pretty sunset.

Apparently tonight's episode of
Thunder In Paradise was brought to me by Fruitopia.
Which was nice of it. I miss Fruitopia. It was nice.

Coming up next, Thunder's most mental ever episode. Also, a ukelele.


( 3 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
Nov. 26th, 2009 02:20 am (UTC)
Fruitopia, the drink? Still exists over here. And yes, this show is so strange - a computer virus written in RUNES??
Nov. 26th, 2009 09:45 pm (UTC)
All the cool kids are using runes these days, didn't you know?!

Yep, Fruitopia the drink. I've not seen it here since the nineties. I fell in love with it at the time, as it was just about the only soft drink I could buy at college that wasn't fizzy. Plus it had daft things written on the label.

Nowadays there's Innocent, of course. They don't just have daft things written on the labels, either. Some of their bottles wear hats. I don't know if that makes the stuff in the bottles taste any nicer, but it has a strange appeal.
Nov. 27th, 2009 01:27 am (UTC)
if only I could mail you some, but the glass bottles would never survive
( 3 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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