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The Second Seal

I love this episode. I should get that out of the way first. Yes, it's improbable, yes it descends into out and out silliness by the end; but then I'm not watching this show to marvel at the realism. I'm watching it because it's very entertaining. This one, though, has an extra special something.

So, Norton discovers that the alien research material collected in 1953 by Dr Clayton Forrester, Harrison's adopted father, still exists. The team immediately rushes off to a military base - there are clearly hundreds upon hundreds of these in America, as this show already seems to have wiped out half a dozen, and guess what happens to this one?! - and begins to burrow into the vaults. First of all though, they meet the guy who runs the base. And he is?


It's Barney from Mission: Impossible! Can we all just take a moment here to marvel in the glory that is Barney from Mission:Impossible. Barney clearly knows that he's awesome, as it looks like he's reminding Ironhorse of it here. Yep, I'm Barney. I'm awesome. How about you?


Sadly the aliens don't seem to share the Barney enthusiasm, which is just plain wrong. If I didn't agree with wiping out the aliens before, I do now. Anybody who doesn't appreciate the awesome that is Barney seriously needs to be exterminated.


Down in the vaults, Harrison and Suzanne have to deal with the might of the military clerk in charge of official paperwork. She is a force to be reckoned with. Ironhorse, meanwhile, who for some reason trusts Harrison and Suzanne to be able to stay out of trouble for five minutes, has gone off to an official dinner, and left them to their research.

Disaster approaching in 3... 2... 1...


Alien!Barney perfects his sinster alien look. See, he's still awesome, even when he's an evil alien.


Harrison, meanwhile, patches his fabulous eighties laptop in to Norton's equipment back at the safe house, with the use of a glorious eighties modem. I miss those. They were crap, but they looked good.


Norton, who for some reason has joined the Village People, is now able to talk to Harrison and Suzanne over the wonder of a 1988 modem link; which seems to work better than Skype does now.


Outside, the entire military base is now aliened, except for the little military clerk. They wait for the perfect moment to strike, which is very sweet of them, since all they really have to worry about is Harrison and Suzanne.


Apparently, once you've been taken over by an alien, the computer no longer recognises your voice pattern for the security check. This means that the aliens need a non-aliened human. Oops. That advance planning things seems to be an issue for both sides in this war.


Down in the vaults, meanwhile, Suzanne is bonding with the little clerk by helping her to win the man of her dreams. Which is nice I suppose, but for the fact that she's fallen into the "You're prettier with your glasses off," trap. Which is nonsense, as everybody knows glasses make people look better.

Also, the man of her dreams is now an alien, which may hamper the romance slightly.


Harrison is not interested in dates. Harrison is interested in alien things.


He's found a magic crystal, but when he tries to show it to Suzanne, it makes a big flash, and blows him across the room. When he wakes up, he's bad tempered and loud, and starts craving meat.

He even speaks to Ironhorse on the phone, and asks him to bring over a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese. Now this could have been a great way to alert Ironhorse to the fact that something's up. After all, if a vegan friend asks you for a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, you might start to suspect a problem. Does Ironhorse come dashing back with hackles raised? No. He stops and buys Harrison a pizza. I despair of that man.


The steampunk Vorlons and their typing nun. Sorry, this is largely irrelevant, but I liked it.


Alien Awesome receives his orders from the high command.


Whilst Harrison begins blasting himself with the alien crystal on a regular basis, because it feels good. Then he blasts Suzanne with it.


Suzanne is not turned into an angry, meat-craving, loud person. She's turned into a giggling flirt.


Harrison is not impressed by this.


Especially when she starts getting carried away. Harrison does not want flirting. Harrison wants research and aliens, which are way more entertaining.


So Suzanne goes and flirts with the crystal instead.


The flirting thing is clearly catching, as the alien who used to be the man of our little clerk's dreams goes to seduce her into letting him and the rest of the army into the vaults. Why's she got the Pepsi symbol on her arm? Do they sponsor everything now?


Not really the appendage she was hoping for.


And off go Barney and co, down into the vaults. Where Harrison and Suzanne are even less prepared to deal with them than usual.


At the moment they're experimenting with the crystal, by shining a torch onto it. This makes it into a sort of energy weapon, and also makes Suzanne even more giggly and flirtatious.


This makes it very hard to get her to take it seriously when Harrison finds out that - just for a change - they're trapped and surrounded by hordes and hordes of aliens.


The aliens destroy all communications, in a pleasingly photogenic fashion. Norton raises the alarm, although he needn't have bothered, since Ironhorse was already on his way back with the pizza.


Harrison and Suzanne try to plan their next move. The clerk turns up at this point to help, although since she's now an alien she's not particularly helpful.


She recognises the crystal that Harrison is carrying, but when she goes all alien and demands it, he zaps her.


Back above ground, Ironhorse prepares his offensive. This begins quietly and with subtlety.


Although needless to say, the subtlety does not last long.


Meanwhile, Harrison and Suzanne set about blasting everything they meet with their new torch-crystal hybrid weapon thing.


This leads to them discovering the reason why the aliens are in the vaults - a list that details the position of every storage facility where the barrels containing supposedly dead aliens were locked away in 1953.


Ironhorse draws closer, but for once an alien has actually managed to shoot something. They've clearly been practising with their guns.


Down in the vaults, the aliens have planted many bombs to destroy their technology, and prevent the humans from learning from it. Realising this, Suzanne and Harrison rush to the lifts, where Suzanne turns the whole world green with their new weapon. Then drops it. Nice one, Suzanne.


It presumably then explodes, along with all of the aliens, Barney included. Slight flaw in the bomb plan, I'm thinking.


Harrison and Suzanne make their escape in the nick of time, well aware that they're probably just going up to even more aliens.


Instead they come face to face with Ironhorse.


Which leads to a fun game of "Have you been aliened?"


Eventually they decide that nobody's an alien, and set about a bit of First Aid. Ironhorse has apparently killed the entire garrison, or so he claims. He may be rubbish at thinking, but he's clearly one hell of a warrior.


But one alien has survived the bomb blast. Battered and burnt, it crawls up the lift shaft, and goes for the list.


The gang give chase, and Ironhorse blasts it. You know, I'm sure Harrison's face is getting progressively more dirty with every shot. What's he doing to get so filthy?!


When they recover the metal cylinder that contains the list, however, they discover that it's empty. Now, this makes absolutely no sense at all, as it's been in Harrison's possession all along, and the par-roasted alien certainly had no time to fiddle with it. I rather think the scriptwriters just couldn't bear to give the gang an all out victory. But never mind. Silly ending aside, this was a great fun however many minutes. And it had Barney from Mission: Impossible in it! That can never see you wrong.

Comments

( 2 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
ladygretchen
Jan. 26th, 2012 10:33 pm (UTC)
This certainly sounds like a great episode, looks like they found the Alien kryptonite! And it does strange things to humans, as do the other colored kryptonite rocks do to Superman in the comics. lol.

I think the steampunk alien and typing nun pic is so fantastically random. hahaha!

I unfortunately never watched Mission:Impossible, so I missed the awesomeness that is Barney. :/

So I take it Harrison never got his pizza. He should have just ordered dominoes, if they are past a certain time, it's supposedly free! Or was that Pizza hut??

swordznsorcery
Jan. 27th, 2012 07:55 pm (UTC)
You've never seen M:I?! That's a shame, as I think it's just the sort of thing you'd love. Barney was the electronics wizard, who could do anything with a bit of wiring and a screwdriver. He was all kinds of awesome.

And no, Harrison never got his pizza! I guess Ironhorse must have left it in the car. Just as well, as it probably would have done horrible things to his insides!
( 2 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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