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This week I have been accidentally watching television. I didn't mean to. I was quite decided on the fact that I wasn't going to, but then it looked at me, and I accidentally started watching it. Actually that's not remotely true. I can't watch Days Of Our Lives on television, as I don't live in America, and it hasn't aired in the UK since around midway through 2000. I didn't "accidentally" watch it, so much as "go to YouTube and hunt for it, and then watch it largely on purpose"; but nonetheless I didn't really mean to do it. I escaped once. More than once. And now suddenly it seems to have ensnared me all over again.

It's all John Black's fault. He came back to Days Of Our Lives this week, having disappeared in 2009. At least I think it was 2009. I wasn't really paying attention at the time. The return of John makes me ridiculously happy, whilst at the same time not. Happy because he's John Black! Biggest hero on television, with the possible exception of Jack Harkness. And, actually, John's probably rather more indestructible than Jack. He's certainly better at not ageing. John Black is the sort of guy who gets blown up three times before breakfast, brushes the dust from his shirt, and then goes and saves the world while he waits for the eggs to cook. And I'm actually not exaggerating there. Having him back makes every day just that little bit sillier and more fun. On the other hand, I was quite happy not watching Days Of Our Lives anymore. It's rubbish. There's no escaping the fact. It's been years since they had the budget to even pretend to blow John up, and he hasn't had a helicopter to swing from, or a huge gun to play with, since the eighties. Although he did get to crash a jet in the nineties, which was awesome. Nowadays, pretty much all that anybody does on Days Of Our Lives is talk to each other. Very... slowly..., so... as... to...appear... more... dramatic. By the end of a sentence, you've forgotten what the conversation was about. And every five minutes somebody announces that they're going to make a big revelation, which is followed by dramatic chords and everybody holding their poses with shocked expressions until the end of the commercial break. And there seem to be commercial breaks ridiculously often. They're not included on YouTube, but you can't help noticing them anyway, as they're always preceded by these insanely ridiculous mini-cliffhangers.

So I was doing quite well without Days. Maybe I shall stop watching it again, just to prove that I can? Except... see, since 1987, when he first appeared on camera, John Black has been locked in an endless struggle with his charming but evil nemesis, Stefano DiMera. Except when Stefano left and joined another soap, because the writing was getting really bad, but we don't like to talk about that. Anyway, Stefano and John are sort of like Starsky and Hutch, or Bodie and Doyle, except with kidnapping, chains and mind control. That wasn't the best ever comparison, but it's hard to find a proper one. There aren't many devoted double acts where one half has an insane, evil obsession with the other, leading to multiple abductions and ridiculously slashy subtext. Or if there are, I've been looking in the wrong places. At any rate, it's glorious. There's evil giggling and wicked plots, and lots of ferocious stares and flirting over brandy glasses and cigars. I don't quite know why John is always going over to Stefano's house to drink brandy with him, given that they hate each other, and Stefano keeps kidnapping him and trying to make him his slave, but maybe it's bad manners not to visit one's neighbours anyway? I don't know. It's the weirdest relationship ever. They should make the whole show about it, and cut out all the other storylines completely. It would make the world into a far better and happier place.

I really shouldn't be watching Days Of Our Lives, anyway. It's terrible, and I know it is. It didn't used to be, when there was a budget; but even if they suddenly got one of those again, the glory days are long gone. Stefano's in his eighties now, and John's fast approaching sixty. They're unlikely to be doing much of the action stuff like they used to. It's stolen my brain, though. I fear I may be defenceless. And now they've sacked all the rubbish writers, and the producers have admitted that it's been terrible for a long time, and are determined to try to make it good again. And all the actors are suddenly all happy and bouncy, and optimistic that this time they might actually be allowed to make a good programme. I can't quite believe that they will, as it's been ten years since they last managed, and I think they've mostly forgotten how. It's rather cute how they keep trying, though. Sort of like wobbly baby deer that can't quite stand up, and that was an even more rubbish analogy than the Bodie and Doyle one. Oh Days. Why can't somebody just axe you, and make my life simpler?

I think I probably need to not watch, for the sake of my mental wellbeing. But have you seen the previews for next week?! I can't walk out on John now, it would be rude. Besides, he may need my help, you never know.

I'm lost, aren't I. Why the hell couldn't I have got hooked on something sensible?

Comments

( 7 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
jekesta
Oct. 2nd, 2011 02:05 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD THEY SOUND AMAZING. The whole thing sounds amazing. I love the shows that you just wish they would cancel so you didn't have to love them any more without actually having to not love them. I love that they've brought John back. I don't know John, but I read this post and was made glad.
swordznsorcery
Oct. 2nd, 2011 04:54 pm (UTC)
I learnt how to make video montages because I wanted to make one about Stefano and John. I should probably be more embarrassed about that than I am.

It's a terrible show, though, it really is!
mickeyk
Oct. 8th, 2011 04:52 am (UTC)
Anyway, Stefano and John are sort of like Starsky and Hutch, or Bodie and Doyle, except with kidnapping, chains and mind control. That wasn't the best ever comparison, but it's hard to find a proper one. There aren't many devoted double acts where one half has an insane, evil obsession with the other, leading to multiple abductions and ridiculously slashy subtext. Or if there are, I've been looking in the wrong places.

You missed the most obvious battling duo! John Black and Stefano aren't Starsky and Hutch or Bodie and Doyle, they're the Doctor and the Master!

It's the weirdest relationship ever. They should make the whole show about it, and cut out all the other storylines completely. It would make the world into a far better and happier place.

No, sorry, they have to keep Jack! He's finally been brought back so damn it, he can't be gone again yet! (Why yes, I am really enjoying his scenes and still really like watching Matt Ashford, my one and only Jack, even though seven or eight actors have played the character).

I'm lost, aren't I. Why the hell couldn't I have got hooked on something sensible?

Because our obsessions are never rational!

Looks like I'll be watching Monday's and Tuesday's episodes, Jack's in them. :)

swordznsorcery
Oct. 8th, 2011 09:49 pm (UTC)
Oh good. I'm glad you're happy with Jack! From what I've seen of him so far, his storyline isn't terribly happy, though. They all keep shouting at him for having left; but as I remember it he was dead at the time, so it's not as though it was exactly his fault...

You missed the most obvious battling duo! John Black and Stefano aren't Starsky and Hutch or Bodie and Doyle, they're the Doctor and the Master!

I do actually quite like the idea of John as the Doctor, but the idea of Jon Pertwee and Roger Delgado having that kind of relationship is too horrible to contemplate. Sorry. :p
mickeyk
Oct. 9th, 2011 05:17 pm (UTC)
Oh good. I'm glad you're happy with Jack! From what I've seen of him so far, his storyline isn't terribly happy, though. They all keep shouting at him for having left; but as I remember it he was dead at the time, so it's not as though it was exactly his fault...

Well, I'm happy to see him and I'm really enjoying his performance. I'd like it even better if he got a storyline. :p You know, something beyond, 'Jennifer, I love you and want you back. Abigail, I love you and I promise to be a better father.' He's a reporter, he could be part of that whole John-in-jail storyline, investigating what really happened, Jennifer could be pulled in (ah, SpectatorOwner!Jack and cub-reporter!Jen), we could see how Jack settles back into Salem, does he move in somewhere besides Jen's while he's trying to win her back? What does he do for money (ie., continue with less dangerous reporting or go into a new field?).

I do actually quite like the idea of John as the Doctor, but the idea of Jon Pertwee and Roger Delgado having that kind of relationship is too horrible to contemplate. Sorry. :p

I wasn't actually suggesting a slash relationship, but that whole Good vs. Evil, like 3 and the Master, Sherlock Holmes vs. Moriarty, etc.
swordznsorcery
Oct. 9th, 2011 09:46 pm (UTC)
You want Jack to have a proper plot?! Is that allowed?! ;)
mickeyk
Oct. 9th, 2011 09:56 pm (UTC)
Yes, I do! It'd better be allowed! It is a reboot, after all, let's reboot 'Jack's not allowed a proper plot' to 'Jack gets a proper plot'.
( 7 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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