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A man in an office is awaiting somebody's arrival. Whoever the somebody is, he's been away for some time; but now that he's coming back, it's clear that there are many things to be done. Things to be found, and people to hunt out. The man is a Nazi, returning from years in a Soviet prison, and anxious to continue where he left off. Oh dear. This can only mean one thing - Craig is going to be wearing his Nazi-hunting yellow pullover again. What joy.

Having reunited with his staff, Head Nazi begins to set his plans in motion. He starts by kidnapping a rather nice German Airforce officer, who, sad to say, owns a white Jag. Well, he's not going to be getting out of this alive then, is he. German Airforce Officer once flew on a bombing raid, right at the end of the war, that had to be abandoned due to an attack by the RAF. The bomb was jettisoned, and Head Nazi wants it back. The bomb, unbeknownst to the people who were going to drop it, was an atom bomb, and Head Nazi would very much like to use it to blow up large swathes of the European countryside. German Airforce Officer cannot help, and now knows far too much. Poor German Airforce Officer. And, inevitably, poor white Jag. The Champions are closing in though, and as the Nazis continue to try to find their bomb, the gang find out what they're up to, and battle to reach it first.


Head Nazi returns from prison, anxious to get Project: Blow Everybody Up underway. And, presumably, to change out of that dreadful shirt.


At their briefing in Geneva, the Champions are told about the recent release from prison of a Nazi who is thought to be up to no good. As opposed to all of the Nazis who are up to some good?!


'Hmm,' thinks Craig. 'Nazis. Now, where did I leave that yellow pullover?'


German Airforce Officer is aghast to find out about the nuclear bomb, and is promptly bashed over the head. The conversation continues with him sprawled decorously over the desk, which for some reason amuses me greatly. However, having proved himself to be less than joyful at the prospect of a return to Nazi rule, he's not going to be allowed to live. Given what car he drives, this can only mean one thing.


Yes, it's The Monty Berman White Jag Of Doom. Cunningly snuck into everything he ever made, it lurks in car parks and driveways, waiting to annihilate unsuspecting drivers everywhere.


On this occasion, however, it was slightly off its game, as despite falling a good hundred feet, and having a large car smash on top of him, German Airforce Officer is not quite dead. Yet.


He's able to tell Richard about the atom bomb before dying. The chase is now on.


Although there's time first for Richard and Sharron to take one of Sharron's appalling jackets on a quick excursion to Tremayne's office. She doesn't wear that jacket at all in the rest of the episode, so presumably she must have quickly run off to change again before embarking on the vital mission in which there is no time to lose.


Craig, meanwhile, rings in to tell everybody back home not to worry. He's found his Nazi-fighting yellow pullover.

Still, at least this time it seems we're spared that ghastly brown fuzzy jacket that he usually wears with it.


Back in Blighty, Richard and Sharron meet with the former RAF officer who shot down the German plane with the atom bomb in it. He's able to tell them more or less where the bomb was jettisoned.

That picture really doesn't need a caption saying that he's an RAF officer, does it. That moustache couldn't belong to anybody else.

The bomb was dropped into a lake, and the Nazis are quick to converge upon it, setting about pulling it up and getting it into an empty house nearby. Closer than Richard and Sharron, Craig gets there before they do, and goes for a quick swim in the lake to see what's going on. He's soon captured, however, and hauled off to the house for interrogation. Somebody was clearly indulging themselves in this episode. We've already seen that there's at least one person on staff who has a marked fondness for getting Stuart Damon wet, and at least another one who likes getting him all roughed up. In this episode, we have wet!roughed-up!Craig. Indeed we even get wet!roughed-up!bondage!Craig, which probably entitled the writer to some sort of prize. Richard and Sharron are on the way, though, and soon enough the gang are reunited, and the Nazis rounded up. There remains one problem, however. The bomb has been primed and readied to explode, and the timer is ticking down to zero.


A suitably dramatic bit of lake.


Beneath which, a Nazi frogman with a nice shiny cutting thing prepares to loose the bomb and get it back up to the surface.


Bored Nazis.


Emerging from the lake, Craig is quickly surrounded. It was nice of them to let him put his shoes on before they captured him, though. It was also very nice of them not to wait for him to put that wretched yellow thing back on again.


Our all-purpose hall puts in another appearance.


Soggy!bondage!Craig is not intimidated by threatening Nazis. Or vampires lurking inexplicably in the background.


A Nazi thug gets underway with an interrogation.


Which nearly sends Richard and the Alfa off the road.


He manages to get the car back under control, but doesn't make any effort to suggest that it might be sensible for Sharron to drive for a while. Mind you, she is currently wrestling with that squirrel again, so perhaps it might be best for her just to stay where she is.


Back at the house, it's lights out for Craig - or so the guards think. As soon as he's left alone, he jumps up to figure out his escape.

Look at the back of the room. Those sodding Nazis brought his yellow pullover along with them. Why?! What possible use could they have for it?! Why couldn't they just have left the bloody thing by the lake?!

See, this is one of the reasons why Nazis are evil.


This is a nuclear physicist getting the bomb ready. It is not, as I thought at first glance, a cook.

Well, you never know.


Craig struggles to break his ropes, with the camera positioned for maximum Craig-displayage.


Outside, Richard homes in on Craig.


Whilst the cameraman enjoys himself still further. Sadly, in the process he rather shows that breaking the ropes is completely unnecessary. They might have had fun tying up Stuart Damon's left wrist, but the rope is clearly only looped around the right one. Craig could take it off any time he chooses.

Although presumably that's rather less fun.


Please, Richard. There's still time to stop him. Try suggesting that it's dangerously radioactive, or something. Please?


As Richard and Craig finish off the Nazis, the nuclear physicist hurries to finish prepping the bomb.


The boys manage to get to it, but not soon enough. He's done his work, and refuses to undo it. The bomb will explode in twenty-five minutes - and the soonest that help can arrive is in thirty. The gang will have to tackle the bomb themselves.

Having got an expert on the phone, Craig learns that the bomb is almost certainly tamper-proof, and that he therefore cannot remove the timing device. Everybody stands around being terribly urgent, and he tries to persuade the rest of the Champions to leave. As though, somehow, having five minutes to run away in is really going to save them from the very large nuclear bomb. They opt to stay, mostly to stand in the doorway and look worried, whilst Craig tries a desperate last minute gambit. Instructing Sharron to fetch some syrup from the kitchen - it's an abandoned house, Craig. What makes you think that there's going to be anything in the kitchen, let alone syrup?! - he fills a grease gun with the stuff, and then injects it into the timing mechanism. The plan is that the syrup will slow the clockwork device inside, and hopefully stop the bomb from going off. Time is slipping away fast, however, and the timer shows no sign of stopping.

Until it does. Obviously.


A nuclear physicist gives Craig instructions over the phone on how to disarm a WWII bomb.


Richard stands by in Serious Mode. Sharron considers trying to make the squirrel leave, whilst there's still time for it to save itself.


Back in the outside world, the physicist toys with a desk lamp as he continues instructing Craig. His secretary clearly finds this enthralling.


So does Craig, until the physicist suddenly tells him that German-era WWII bombs were generally tamper-proof, so he'd best forget everything he's just been told, and hope for the best.

Then the line goes dead. So far this isn't going well.


Craig has a plan, however, and sets about filling the timing device with syrup.


The other three stand nearby, being very earnest.


The syrup doesn't appear to be having any effect, but finally, just before the bomb is due to go off, Sharron thinks that she hears a change in the speed of the ticking.


Sure enough, it slows and slows, and finally stops altogether.


Success! Craig reports in, whilst Richard decides to eat the syrup. Well, it's been a long day. It's hungry work saving the world on a regular basis.

Up next is "Happening", in which not a lot is. Mostly because half of the cast was on holiday at the time, and had to be added later in little filmed inserts.

Comments

( 4 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )
eandh99
Mar. 10th, 2010 08:00 pm (UTC)
clearly that cameraman wanted to marry/shag/stalk Stuart Damon.
swordznsorcery
Mar. 10th, 2010 08:16 pm (UTC)
It is a remarkably long, lingering shot of his backside, certainly!
elfbert
Mar. 10th, 2010 09:18 pm (UTC)
Yup, long lingering shots of Stu Damon gripping his own arse. I can live with that!!

And weirdly, today I nipped across the road from my workshop to poke my head into a large empty workshop which has just been bought...it's 40,000sq ft, completely empty of all old fixtures/fittings. The walls and floor were entirely painted light grey...and there, in the middle of this vast expanse of nothingness...was the bodywork of an E type Jag! Very weird...but as we're surrounded by film/tv studios, maybe they're planning a remake!! XD
swordznsorcery
Mar. 11th, 2010 07:01 pm (UTC)
They are planning a remake. I wonder if Guillermo del Toro could be persuaded to fill the film with Jaguars?!

I think they're still planning it, anyway. Last I heard, a scriptwriter had been hired, but that was a year ago now.
( 4 fierce growls — Growl fiercely )

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